December 02, 1962
OUR MAN HOPPE
Be a Booster - Think Small
By Art Hoppe
GOOD EVENING, friends. Welcome to the gala kickoff of the spanking-new, forward-looking Retrogressive Party of California. Thank You, thank you.
As you know, the crying need for our Retrogressive party was clearly demonstrated during the last campaign. Every candidate for Statewide office constantly bemoaned the fact that 1500 new immigrants are pouring into California every day, creating massive problems of air pollution, highway congestion, double sessions, water shortages, welfare burdens and rampant crime. Unquestionable true.
But what did every single candidate say in the very next breath? He said, ladies and gentleman, "Let's Build a Greater California!"
NOW, SOME MAY SAY these pressing problems of overpopulation will solve themselves: The worse California gets, the fewer immigrants will come here. Friends, this is apathy. What we need is Positive Thinking, real American Boostership-in a word, old-fashioned Get Up and Go. And that's just what we stand for friends: positively boosting people out of California - getting them to Get Up and Go.
The faster we drive people out, the quicker we will solve the problems of air pollution, crowded highways and the like. And the sooner we will return to the golden days when California was clean, quiet and uncrowded. Remember, friends: Our Future Lies Behind Us! Thank you, thank you.
With this in mind, the first plank in our platform is self-explainatory: Higher taxes.
Your Platform Committee has given much thought as to where these higher taxes should be levied. Generally speaking, it is felt the tax on industry should be confiscatory. After all, even the Chamber of Commerce concedes that industries mean jobs. And jobs mean people!
Also essential, in fairness to all, is a Graduated State Income Tax. This will be graduated, of course, from 90 per cent in the lowest bracket to 1 per cent in the highest bracket. Soak the poor, we say. Because the poor cause more problems than anybody. Except the prolific poor. But they will be delt with by changing the standard deduction for children to a $300 penalty assessment. Thank you, thank you.
TIME FORBIDS DETAILING all our other forward-looking planks, such as lower teacher salaries, laxer law enforcement and greater governmental inefficiency. We realize they mean hardships for many of us. But let us take the long -range view, friends. Suffice it to say that only by making California worse can we make it better.
And now, before leaving, let us all rise and join in the singing the Retrogressive Party Anthem: "California Here I Go." And until the next rally, let's all practice the only kind of Boostership that makes sense these days. It's summed up in our peppy, snappy, sparkling motto, friends:
"Watch Us Shrink!"